Homesickness

“Settle down it will all be clear… The troubles they might drag you down. If you get lost you can always be found. Just know you’re not alone…” Philip Philips, Home

I am a homebody. If I didn’t have my religious knowledge to know that I was sent here for this specific time, I would have sworn that I was supposed to be born in the 1950s. I love being at home. I love being with my family, near my family, able to do whatever I want with my family.

Then why, pray tell, you may ask am I several thousand miles away from them?

I can honestly say, I don’t know.

The homesickness has been the worst part so far. For the first three days here, it would hit like a crippling illness. I would feel sick, nauseous, and be on the verge of tears.

And just to be clear, I have lived away from home before. I went to Snow College for two years, lived near BYU for a couple years, spent 5+ summers in the mountains away from my family…

But this felt so…definite.

And Final.

Homesickness is not something rational either. Not at least the kind I get. It pecks at the fear that something will happen to my family and I won’t be there to help them. Or that they’ll forget me (yeah right…like they could forget my sparkling personality!). But that fear was real to me, especially for my nieces and nephews.

When I was getting ready to leave, I wouldn’t let myself think about the things I would be missing. But once I got here, it was all I could think about.

And I cried.

Now, I am not a crier…unless a man is crying or I’m watching Saints and Soldiers. But there were several times each day that I burst into tears, and just ached to be home…and I hadn’t even been gone for a week! But it was all I could do to repack the boxes, drop out of school, and run back home (ok to the airport).

But there was a small voice inside of me saying “hang in there, it will get better”.

And then my amazing family and friends stepped up. I don’t think they will ever truly appreciate how much their texts or quick phone calls, or posts to Facebook have helped me. I needed those so much and they were there for me no matter what.

It’s been officially a week since I arrived in DC and the homesickness is not over by any means. But it is getting better. It is lessening its grip on my emotions, although there are still times when I wonder what am I doing out here. But it is getting better.  

The mornings are usually the hardest, but singing a hymn, reading a Conference Talk, or praying helps. And then waiting until it’s an acceptable time in Utah to call homeJ.

On the positive side…only 172 days until Christmas break.